Little Red Voldie Hood
by Lyrakins
Summary: The title reigns over all. Basically, the title is the summary.


This is the story of Little Red Voldie Hood. Beware of it.. .. .. Erm, yeah.. .. ^^;;; I don't really have much to say at this point except the disclaimer. So, here goes.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the wonderful characters of the fabulous series know as Harry Potter. They are the property of the delightful, one and only, Ms. J.K. Rowling. -applauds- Also, I don't own the story 'Little Red Riding Hood' or 'Politically Correct Bedtime Stories' which I am borrowing some lines from.  
  
And now for the main course!  
  
~*~Little Red Voldie Hood~*~  
  
There once was a young person who went by the name of Little Red Voldie Hood who lived with his mother on the border of a large wood.  
  
"Little Red Voldie Hood! Time for you to awaken from your slumber!" his mother trilled, reminding the already awoken boy of the annoying cheery bluebirds outside his window.  
  
He emerged from his bedroom and called down the hallway, "What do you want Mother?" A hint of annoyance colored his tone.  
  
"May you take a basket to your dear old grandmother?" she replied from the kitchen where she was assembling a basket of fruit and water.  
  
"Must I?" he wasn't on the, shall we say, best of terms with the old lady.  
  
"Yes, you must!" His mother returned with that authoritative tone we all love, yet still sounding joyful. It was amazing.  
  
"Fine." A pouty expression took over his face as he sulked towards the kitchen. "Where's the basket?" he said flatly.  
  
"Here you are dear!" His mum said and handed him the now completed basket, then steamrolled him out the door, bidding him a quick farewell and safe journey.  
  
Therefore Little Red Voldie Hood set out through the woods with his basket. Many people believed the wood was filled with dangerous things and had never set a foot or even a toe in it. Little Red Voldie Hood, however, was confident enough in his own budding sexuality that such things didn't faze him.  
  
Walking along through the trees, he was jumped by another male in the costume of a wolf.  
  
"Go away," Little Red Voldie Hood said before the other had a chance to say anything.  
  
"But I was going to ask you a question," said a familiar voice from underneath the costume.  
  
"What makes you think I care?" he said to the other.  
  
"I know you don't," responded The Boy Who Lived.  
  
"Than why are you bothering me Potter?" he said patiently.  
  
"Because I want to know what's in that basket you're holding."  
  
Little Red Voldie Hood heaved a sigh. "If you must know, it contains healthful snacks for my grandmother."  
  
"You know, it isn't safe for you to walk through these woods alone." Harry said.  
  
"And do I care? That would be a no." Red Voldie Hood said and shoved the wolf aside, continuing to walk on the main path.  
  
Unknown to Voldie, Harry had taken a shortcut to Grandmother's house.  
  
"I need to eat you." he called upon entrance, proceeding to the bedroom.  
  
"And why would you need to do this?" responded the voice of Hermione.  
  
"Because," said Harry, stepping through the door, "That's the way the story works. The wolf eats the grandmother."  
  
"I still don't want you to eat me. How about gagging me and tying me up, then stashing me in the closet." Hermione frowned severely.  
  
"But. but." he protested uselessly, the brunette glaring at him. "Fine."  
  
The horrible deed was done.  
  
Entering the cottage, Voldie said, "Grandmother, I have brought you some fat-free, sodium-free snacks to salute you in your role of a matriarch." He rolled his eyes.  
  
"Come closer child, so that I might see you."  
  
"Oh. Dear me. I forgot that you were blind."  
  
"I am not!"  
  
"And what a big nose you have."  
  
"It isn't big!"  
  
"And your teeth. They are huge."  
  
"So I can eat you since Hermione wouldn't let me eat her!" He leapt from the bed at Little Red Voldie Hood. Voldie screamed rather transparently, because that's according to the story.  
  
A passing woodchopper, also known as the tree killer, heard his scream and walked into the little house on account of his insatiable curiosity. Upon seeing the medley, he leant upon a wall and watched with interest.  
  
"Hey, aren't you supposed to kill me?" asked Harry.  
  
"Yeah, so?" Ron shrugged. "It's more fun to watch you and Voldie go at it."  
  
"At least go 'rescue'," here he made exaggerated air quotes, "Hermione."  
  
"If I knew where she was, that'd be helpful," pointed out the redhead.  
  
"Closet."  
  
At this Voldie Hood blinked. "Weren't you supposed to eat her? Oh wait, she wouldn't let you. Whatever. Can we finish this stuff already?"  
  
"Fine with us," the two youths replied, Ron going over and letting Hermione out, then untying and ungagging her.  
  
"Well, what do we do now?" she questioned.  
  
"Finish the story apparently," answered Harry.  
  
"If I remember correctly, isn't it finished when I'm free?"  
  
"Dunno."  
  
"Right then. Go home Voldie."  
  
"What is it with calling me Voldie?" He threw his hands up, sulking out of the cottage.  
  
"It's your name!" The golden trio smirked. "Shut up!"  
  
~*~The End~*~ 


End file.
